Before I met my husband it had been a whole five years since I actually dated or even considered pursuing a relationship with anyone. Five years may not seem like much for some people but for me it meant EVERYTHING! Truthfully, it was the longest I had ever gone without feeling like I just HAD to be in a relationship or that I needed another person to make me feel complete.
Before that five year period I was that girl who tried to use relationships to fill a void that only Jesus could fill. For as long as I could remember I’ve always been in a relationship. I had my first “boyfriend” at the age of 12 and from that time on I can’t even remember a time that I didn’t have a boyfriend. I would get out of a relationship and before I was even healed from the last relationship I would quickly jump into another one. I hated being alone because being alone made me face reality. It was like it shined a light on my brokenness for the whole world to see.
I had unconsciously equated being in a relationship to being whole and complete. For some reason my brokenness made me believe that I could never be complete alone. It made me believe that relationships made me more worthy or more desirable when in actuality the only thing relationships did for me was make me even more broken. Anything or anybody that we try to use to heal our brokenness other than the Lord will make us even more broken because only the one who IS love can truly satisfy our hunger to be loved.
For me, those five years I spent without dating wasn’t just five years without being in a relationship, but it was five years of surrender to the Lord. I had finally gotten to a place in my life where I trusted in the Lord alone to heal my brokenness. Not relationships, not people but THE LORD! I had finally gotten to a place in my life where Jesus ALONE was enough.
Because of that five year period of surrender, the day my husband met me at the altar he didn’t meet a woman who was broken but he met a woman who was HEALED!
As I reflect back on those moments before I met my husband I discovered that there are 5 dangers of dating before you’re healed:
1. You become more dependent on relationships than God
Before I was healed for real I depended on relationships for everything. I depended on it to make me happy. I depended on it to make me whole. I depended on it to heal my broken heart. Because I was so dependent on relationships I started to believe that I needed relationships MORE than I needed God.
2. You never really get to know who you really are
Because I was always in a relationship I never had the time to actually get to know the woman God created me to be. All my time was spent creating a god out of relationships instead of seeking God. Because of this, me walking in my full potential was delayed.
3. You begin to see the person through the eyes of your brokenness and not as they truly are
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve settled for men who I knew wasn’t good for me because I was too blinded by my brokenness to see who they truly were. When you date before you’re healed it’s impossible to see things the way they truly are.
4. You become even more broken than before
The more I jumped in and out of relationships, the more broken I became. I thought it was healing me but really it was making my wound even greater.
5. You keep the promises of God from manifesting in your life
I believe that there was so much that God wanted to do in my life earlier but because I was so broken and wrapped up in relationships it prohibited Him from doing what He wanted to do in my life.
God didn’t create relationships to heal you, He created them to enhance you!
If you’re someone who’s struggling in the area of relationships and find yourself using relationships to heal your brokenness I pray that my testimony encouraged and inspired you to surrender your brokenness to the Lord! Truly, only He can satisfy!
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