“You don’t deserve to be loved by God”
These were the words that screamed so loudly in my ear every single time I made a mistake, and every single time I failed to live up to being “Little Ms. Perfect”. I remember these words screamed the loudest in moments of shame and guilt. The moments when I had convinced myself that because of everything I had done I was unworthy and undeserving of the love of God. I had been a “so called” Christian for years (since I was eight years old) without ever fully accepting and embracing the love of God, the very foundation of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I had failed to reap the benefits of Christianity and Salvation because I just couldn’t fathom how a perfect, all powerful, never failing, Holy, God could truly love someone like me. Someone who was a sex addict for years. Someone who told Him daily that He had made a mistake in how He created me by hating myself. A girl who claimed to love Him but placed everyone and everything above Him. The girl who always looked good on the outside but was literally dying on the inside. Someone who had no confidence. Someone who battled depression. Someone who battled suicidal thoughts. How could He truly love someone like me? When He had so many other “perfect” people who were less dirty than me that He could love? Why would He choose me to die for me? How could He still see me as worthy and deserving when literally my whole life I had felt the complete opposite? I couldn’t fathom it so I refused to accept it! I was behaving like a fatherless child when He had already called me HIS. I was putting on the rags of an orphan when He had already crowned me as royalty. Through compromise, I was screaming the words “unworthy” and “undeserving” when He had already crowned me with glory and honor!
All I had to do was accept it. Accept what I already was. Accept what He already did for me. I didn’t have to understand it. I didn’t have to fathom it, all I had to do was accept it! I had to accept that in spite of my mistakes, in spite of the dirtiness of my past, in spite of my not so perfect story that the God of the entire universe still looked at me and saw a woman that’s worthy! A woman that’s worthy and very much deserving of His love and grace. A woman worthy enough to be called daughter. A woman valuable enough to purchase. A woman worth dying for!
Once I understood that the love of God isn’t something to understand or fathom, but rather something to accept and embrace my whole world began to change! The truth is that yes, maybe, I don’t truly deserve His love but because He’s so good, He still chooses to love me anyway. He chooses to see past my dirtiness. He chooses to see past by mistakes. He chooses to see past my brokenness. And instead of abandoning me, He chooses to love me. He chooses to love me back to life. He chooses to love me to wholeness. He chooses to love me out of my shame and guilt. He chooses to love me out of condemnation. Although, I may be undeserving, He STILL chooses to love me.
I don’t care who you are, what you have done, or where you find yourself you ARE deserving of the love of God, even when you don’t feel like. In spite of your not so perfect past, mistakes, and failures, the God of the entire universe calls you loved. He calls you worthy. He calls you deserving. You don’t have to understand it. You don’t have to fathom it. Just accept it. Just embrace it!
Thank you so much for reading! It is my heart’s desire that after reading, you make the decision to accept the love of God! I know you’re used to being criticized. I know you’re used to not being accepted. I know you’re used to being rejected because of your past but the God of the entire universe desires to love you.
Just let Him love you!
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